doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
