M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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