she was so not down for the gang bang
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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