Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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