do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
