Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
