matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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