It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
