Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I love having hate sex.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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