I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
