We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I wish there were birth control emojis
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
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