dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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