I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
