I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
It was like getting head from an anaconda
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
