I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
