U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
