I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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