I wanna passion pit in your ass
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I AM VODKA MAN
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
