OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
