I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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