Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
