Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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