It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
