Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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