i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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