Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
