I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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