just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
