nut hugger
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
