I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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