Tell her she can't have a vagina
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
