So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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