worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
