So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Randomize
