ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
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