I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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