Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
