Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
