Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
