I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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