So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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