Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
