I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
