I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
