You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
