I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
