i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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