He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
