just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
