Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
