I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
