i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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