Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
