You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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