i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
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