My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Hippo gnu deer
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
