You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
