3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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