I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
