Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Did I show you my penis last night?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
