It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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