In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
