Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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