I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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