Will you blow on my dice?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
