We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize