The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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